Working Out Physically, Mentally and Spiritually

It is just after one and I have managed to do some chores, work out, set an appointment with SCORE to help me with my business plan (for free!) and an appointment to work out the details of volunteering for the organization I worked my senior internship. I also started writing my business plan and finished a few more chapters in the book serving as my picture for this post.

So far it is a good basic overview of the business but I don't see it getting anymore in-depth so I have ordered one that is more of a text book. I am not going to put this on the back burner I am going to go out there and get moving. I feel good and things are really coming together. I must have made an impression on more people than I thought when I wasn't letting life chew me up and spit me out. I have had no problem getting back in the game and starting to re-establish contacts.

This is day 2 of being back on track with my working out. I had gotten there before surgery briefly and then I took another few weeks off even thought I was fine. I made different goals this time and I think they will be easier to stick with. I am going to work on getting to 3 miles in thirty minutes on the elliptical. I am tempted to make more goals but I have found in other areas of my life it is easier to focus on that one goal and when you meet it decide where to go next. I get frustrated to easily if I can't hurry and move on to the next goal.

Also I have not stepped on the scale yet. I do want to get on just to see the weight I am starting at but I don't want to get obsessed about it. So if I don't remember to weigh in the morning before I drink a few cups of coffee I just don't do it. One day I will remember but I am not sweating it, and really it is easier to do now that my goals have changed and I feel happier.

I am also spending time getting closer to the God I believe in. I am determined to read a chapter in Proverbs each day and pray. I have also been talking to the hubby more and trying to figure out how we can plan things together for our future and our marriage. When I launch this business we are going to have to have a plan for how we are going stay focused and in touch with each other even if I  get so busy I don't have much time to spend with him. We both know it will take a lot of time and energy to start a business so we need to set some ground rules to keep our marriage a priority.

So I am working hard to make my dreams come true and hopefully I can help others realize their dreams in the process. Knowing what I want and going for it has already helped me with my attitude.

Well gotta go mow the front lawn and go to the bank and library and read more chapters in my book and then write more in my preliminary business plan document.

I have a new blog too Activate Your Dreams so please check it out. In the future I want to link it to my business website.

Looking Through My Social Work Notebooks

Okay I didn't save any of the files but I did save the complete journey through my senior year of Social Work classes. Consisting of 2 giant binders crammed full of useful information. I started by reading journal entries.

I am almost finished with them and I want to know who that person was. I was not the person I am today. I did mature as the journals progressed. I think I said over and over how much I liked helping people but also how much I liked working independently. My supervisor gave me projects to manage and left me with limited supervision. I should go through and count how many times I said even though it is stressful I love what I am doing. I have not felt like that in a very long time. Well not since I managed a weatherization project for the same organization right out of college. It didn't just make me realize that I am on the right track with planning my career it made me realize that I need to remove some of the negativity from my life. If that means not sharing my goals with my family (except the hubby) then so be it.

On that note I am going to change my life and begin by setting a few goals the first one is I am going to spend some time volunteering at the agency that I worked my internship.

Second I am going to work out 30 minutes a day on the elliptical. I am going to stay on the same max level in my program until I can hit a 10 minute mile and then set a new goal. That way I am not stressed out about the new goal before I get it started. In 30 minutes today I only did 1.3 miles and I was pretty sweaty. The main reason for this goal is that I get exercise every day and I have time for 30 minutes even on work days. If I work as hard as I can for 30 minutes I am sure it is better than just a few longer more lax work outs during the week and it forms a good health habit.

Third I am going to spend time every day reading one chapter in Proverbs for as long as it takes to ingrain the wisdom into my head. I am also going to set aside time to pray everyday even if it is just a few minutes.

Fourth I am going to spend the next two weeks learning everything I can about the business I want to start and try to come up with an outline to go to a free place that helps you with business plans. On that same note I am going to try to treat the people that come into the automotive shop with great respect even if my boss doesn't always treat me that way. It is not the customers fault and at least 95% of the time they deserve my best.

So I am working on things here and I really can't wait to get things started right now I am just excited about it and I know I need to keep working on a plan. I want to say a big thanks to JEFF KING who is super supportive.

Business Plan 101

Well I am working out a business plan a little at a time each day. I am trying to narrow things down and focus. Once I know exactly what services I am going to offer and how to apply fees I will launch a website.

I am giving my self two months to gather information and get the website started. I would like to launch the website by November 6th. I picked that day because I will be attending the local simulcast of Dave Ramsey's Entreleadership seminar. I figure I will learn a lot while I am there and want to tweak some of what I have started.

This will also give me time to develop good discipline in my life as well. In one week things have gotten better for me just by realizing what some of my dreams are. Also realizing that I don't have to spend a fortune to get there. Once things get off the ground there will be things I need to buy but not until I have a few clients. I know there will be some money involved in getting started but I can keep my investments minimal until I get stared. I will want to keep educating myself as well so I will be looking for cheap to free seminars and workshops I can attend to keep up to date on many current things.

I have time right now almost every day so if I spend my week days off like they are work days I should be able to pull this off in two months. If things are successful and I enjoy it as much as I think I will I can eventually quit my other job. Until then I am going to go to work and serve the customers like they were potential clients for my new business. Even if I feel down about something I am going to encourage my customers and try to make them feel great. Maybe it will help business at the shop and bring me future customers. Since I would not be competition for an automotive repair shop I don't see any harm in it.

Life feel like life again. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have two months to develop a business plan and work on my life plan with my hubby. We went for a walk yesterday and talked a little about that and we are going to talk again after we look at houses today. So it is baby steps with us since his idea of a plan is sit back and watch things happen and hope for the best. I finally compared my life with out a plan to his life without video games (his favorite hobby) I think he got the picture. I truly think he just didn't understand how important it is to me. Now that he does we just have to work on it.

I am not Giving up!!

Well I am not sure where to find supportive people. Apparently I surround myself with negative people. I know that has been a part of my life more than it has not been but in the past I have had a few people that had my back. Now that does not mean they didn't tell me when I was being an idiot but it does mean they were supportive of many things in my life.

I don't have that right now and it is quite disheartening. I do have the skills to be a life consultant, I graduated with honors in my Social Work program. I was best at planning and management.I have lost some of that but I still have books and I can learn again.

I am not going to spend thousands of dollars to get a business running. I am not taking out loans either I hate debt. With the skills I worked hard in school to get I should be able to help people. The skills I need to learn are business skills, I need to design a plan to work with people, and figure out what services I want to offer. I need to write a good contract and learn about the legal and tax aspects.

I can see it in in the faces of the people around me and in the voices of those that I talk to they don't believe I can do it. They think my idea is crazy and stupid. Well sorry but that just pisses me off and makes me want to do it even more. I am going to spend every spare moment regaining my discipline and learning about business the next few weeks and during that time I am going to write all my ideas down. I am going to do this and I am going to be successful. I am also going to start looking for some more positive people to surround myself with.

I may even offer to help some people for free while I am trying to figure out an official plan.

Consulting or Life Coach

Well I was hoping to get to some fiction books this weekend but I am pretty excited about working on a business plan. I took and earlier version of this book to work with me today and read during the slow times. Unfortunately there were not that many. I read some before work and I have spent time researching liability insurance and life coaching as well as web-hosting and website building.

First I am not sure I like the Life Coach title at all but it is something people know about. Second I am not sure how to calculate my costs or make a business plan. I went to school for Social Work and I want to help people that want help.

I was thinking I would start with helping people to live on a budget to live a life with less stress. Like helping someone with a good income figure out how to save instead of spending more than they make. I am an avid Dave Ramsey fan but I would have to learn to use an excel budget because I can't use his software. I think his plans is great but I also don't agree with him on everything just most of his financial principals. I could also help people set measurable and achievable goals.

The thing is I need to start this myself again. I have to set goals and time limits for the things I want in life before I officially "open" a business. I need to work on my health and like I keep saying I need to clean my house and I need to sit down and work on an official budget for next month. Right now my budget looks like this: Spend the bare minimum and save the rest for a down-payment on a new house.

Sorry about my random ramblings I am tired from a long day at work. I was highly positive most of the day but I am feeling worn out and overwhelmed right now. Not unhappy but in need of a good nights sleep and a new day to work on my business plan. I figure it will take me at least a month to have some sort of working plan.

I Think I Know What I Want To Do With My Life

Well I am still thinking of a plan of action but I am really excited. I want to be a Financial/Life Coach. I know that I don't always seem to have it together myself but I think much of that has been because I could not figure out how what I wanted to do.  I was even starting to think that I don't like people. I just don't like some people and they happen to be some of the people I have to deal with the most.

As a Social Worker most of  jobs require you to try to help people and you work long hours helping people who don't want your help. Now I know that is not always the case and some Social Work jobs are very rewarding.So I spent about a year looking for a job in my field that would be rewarding and I couldn't find anything. Then I settled down in a job in an automotive shop where I love the job and most of the customers but I am not satisfied with working for a boss especially considering he is my step-dad.

Another thing I want to be able to do is choose my clients and tell them if they don't follow my advice then it won't work and the Social Work mentality (and code of ethics) requires you to empower the client to figure out for themselves what is good for them. It essentially takes the power away from you and gives it to the client and in most Social Work jobs that is a good thing to try and accomplish. It is also hard to do with a client who lacks common sense or any training in life skills.

So to get on my new plan I need to rediscover the discipline I had for myself while I attended school, got good grades, stayed reasonably fit and managed to make good financial choices. I still love to learn and have made good financial choices but I need to work on a few other areas of personal discipline. You can't teach discipline if you don't practice it. So my personal goals are:

1. to spend 30 minutes a day five days a week working out. That way I can skip the days I have to be up at the crack of dawn for work. This is a reasonable goal instead of trying to make 60-90 minutes I can start with 30 minutes and work my way up.
2. Spend at least  a minumum15 minutes on long work days and 1 hour on shorter or now work days of focused time working on a business plan. More if time allows
3. Clean the house all week long. If that means doing a load of laundry before work and after work on the long days then so be it. I really hate cleaning I would rather mow the yard 20 times than have to clean or learn to live on a 25 dollar a week food budget than clean. I have to suck it up and get it done.

The other thing is I want to spend 100 dollars to educate myself and try to start a website I spent 25 dollars on books so that leaves me 75 for a website. If I need to spend more I will take it from another area such as dropping down to one Netflix DVD at a time for a few months. Since that is our only form of entertainment it is in the budget but it can be reduced if needed.


For those of you who read today's earlier post my talk with my hubby or rather the letter I wrote him that led to talking went well. We don't have a concrete plan right now yet other than looking at more houses. Thing is just talking about it made me feel better. More than that I am okay with not moving right away as long as we have a plan to move even if that plan changes to saving more before we move because we don't like the houses in our price range.

I Think I Figuerd Out Why I Feel So Negative All The Time

I have been trying for years to figure out what has been making it hard for me to be happy and positive. My life doesn't suck when I take a step back and look inside my life is really great. Yet I get stressed out and depressed so easily. For a while I thought maybe it was my marriage or my job or even myself. I am not sure how the revelation came to me but I am pretty sure I have figured it out. My marriage is not bad could use some more communication but it is not actually the marriage. My job is a lot better than it used to be and I am part of the problem but not the whole problem.

I am pretty sure my discontentment comes from not having a plan. It is not for my lack of planning and setting goals but the fact that I can't figure out how to make my hubby understand my need for this. I used to think I was unhappy only because of the lack of communication in our marriage. Now I know if we talked for hours but never made plans for the future that I would still be unhappy.

So when my hubby tries to talk more he probably feels frustrated because it doesn't seem to help. He loves me and he tries but he is also the kind of guy who is happy to go to work and play video games and do it again the next day. He does not like to make plans and he really doesn't like to think about the future.

So what I have done up until today is make my own plans and try to get the hubby on board. He just agrees to keep me quite or leave him alone and then when I want to take action on something he finds a reason we shouldn't. It is not working and it is what is making me feel like crap all the time. I feel crushed when I make a bunch of goals and they can't be lived out, or if I do then I get blamed for any tiny bad thing that results. I can admit I have done a lot of stupid things in 33 years of life but in the years we have been married I have not made a lot of bad decisions that cost me more than a few hundred dollars.

We have a rental property with a small mortgage and 4 paid off cars. We have rent a house and we save quite a bit every month because I do all the financial stuff and I am pretty frugal and of course I love to live on a plan. It just feels so empty when it is just my plan. Who knows though maybe now that I have found the root of the problem and discuss it with my hubby that he will feel like he can focus on that instead of trying a bunch of other things. He really is a good guy.

I wish I would have figured this out years ago. I am not sure how the counselors that we have been to have not figured this out considering most of my complaints about our marriage were about the lack of planning for the future. I don't usually have too many other complaints about my husband at least not anything real important. I also think any of the minor things will be fine if we can focus on this one issue that has really been bothering me.

My Anniversary, My Brithday

Well yesterday marked 13 years of marriage and today is my 33nd birthday. I told my hubby I didn't want to do anything because we need to save money. Well that is not entirely true I wanted Ice Cream so we picked up one of my favorite flavors at the grocery store when we went.

Yesterday I spent the morning relaxing and watching a movie. I watched Blindside and loved it. Then I went out to Ruth's farm www.wildheartfarm.com to work. I spent five hours weeding and if the weather cooperates I am going to finish today. I have some errands to run first including having to go to the DMV and get my license renewed. The last time I went they had a state wide computer failure. I am sure if they have one again it will be my fault and I will get charged a late fee. 


So all I want for my birthday is more money for a down-payment on a house. I am not asking people for money so that just means we are going to continue living frugally and not splurge on things for birthdays or holidays. 
This morning I am going to finish my John Maxwell audio book on Making Today Matter and I am going to make a few more dollars working. I am not sure if I will get work on my other days off this week but it seems likely I will get one more day at least. If that work drops off I think I will just post on facebook and craigslist that I can do odd jobs except the two days I work at Daniels. I don't know where I might live soon so I would want to look for a second job with in a reasonable distance.

I Want to be More Positive

I am listening to Make Today Count by John Maxwell. I think I need to learn to be more positive if I want to be successful and I have listened to a very short book by this man before. I was working at the second very temporary job this week and the attitude that makes it a great place to work no matter what tasks you are doing made me think of that book. I have it on cd somewhere but I found this one on the library website for download and it was quicker than looking through all my unmakred CD's

I have let life get me down so much (my fault not life's fault) that I can't see the good half the time. I need to start looking at the positive and not the negative. I need to change my attitude and learn to live each day fully. I try not to talk about all the negative things I think and I try to push the thoughts away but they are there because I am not doing anything about them. I need to develop a better attitude and I need to become more disciplined.
I have had this great revelation that if I don't learn to change myself then even if I get another job or another house I won't be happy or satisfied. The change has to start with me and I need to learn what makes me feel happy and go for it. Right now nothing makes me happy except a good nights sleep. I am the problem thought because I am not doing enough to change that. I give up to easily on everything these days because I have lost my passion. I need to find my passion again and until then learn to get up off my lazy ass and start doing things until if find what makes me feel good about myself. The first one is having a clean house which is something I really hate doing but I like the results and I feel good that it is done and much more able to relax. The second is to spend an allotted amount of time each day not half the day on my blogs and other writing projects including a journal I started. I need to have a daily journal time that includes finding what I really like to do.

I know that I love:

• Working with animals especially dogs 
• Blogging
• Gardening when I don't plant it under a tree that kills the plants 
• Reading
• Writing
• Paper Work or any task like that if it keeps me busy

I am sure I can think of more things later on but those were the things off the top of my head. So I am off to work more on the cleaning my house aspect. I had to take a break from the bleach smell it was giving me a headache. I would love to hear your thoughts on what I could do to make a living doing things I love.

Tired But Had a Great Day

Well I had the opportunity to work at the office today that I have been doing a little extra work to help them catch up. I absolutely love working there. I know the work won't last too long and it is not guaranteed but as long as I have the opportunity I am glad to do it. I even take my nose ring out when I go in. Which is something I would only do for a job I really like or that pays really well.

I don't forsee any openings that I am qualified for in the near future but I am going to enjoy it while it lasts. I am also going to try to figure out what it is I like so much about working there. I know two things right off the top of my head. First they are friendly and I am not afraid to ask questions. Second I am never looking for something to do, I am always busy.

I know there are many other things and even if there is not I am sure both of those things can be broken down into smaller units. I just wish I could reproduce that in my other job and any job I could get in the future. I am still looking for other work but not as hard right now. I am just tired of filling out application after application and getting nothing except a handful of interviews and a mailbox (email and voice-mail) full of scams. That plus the thought of moving is making me feel pretty stressed out. So since I don't actually need a second job, I just want one to accelerate my savings, I am going to relax a little and spend some time looking for jobs but not most of my free time. I am going to not let it hurt my feelings that I didn't get the job I wanted. I know if I need a full time job there are a lot of third shift factory jobs with OK pay and overtime. I can get those but I don't want to right now. What I want is a day shift job I can work on my days off and I can be patient. I would also take a much better paying day shift job but I don't see that happening.

Jobs and Houses

Well I thought I had a call today for a job interview but it was another scam. For some reason I thought to look them up and they had an F rating from the BBB in a  local news story about the scam they are running. Urg what is wrong with people who just want to take advantage of other people.

On that note they need me again tomorrow at the office I really enjoyed working at last week. I am really happy about that. My mom works there but I am so busy when I am there I don't get to talk to her much. We are going to lunch (somewhere I can eat cheap I insisted) and my sister is going to meet us there. So I get to spend time with family and get paid to work some where I enjoy. It sounds like it is going to be a great day tomorrow. I also have to cover for the other woman I work with a few days next month so if I don't have a job by then I will get another near full week of work. Every hour counts.

The house we were looking at is not looking as good anymore. I am not taking out loans to do the repairs that need to be done before we could move in. I don't do loans except for the mortgage. The water system is gone and there is no running water and the heater was at one time under some water so it will need replaced. It is propane so the heating costs will be high or the replacement cost will be higher. It has a big piece of land so we would need a riding lawnmower and a fence for the dog. We would need a water heater that is not included in the cost of the water system and we would need a refrigerator. I am sure there are other things plus moving expenses. Right now it is looking like we would need around $16000 in extra cash to make this house work. I am sure we could find cheaper stuff when we bid the jobs but I just don't see this happening unless they nearly give us the house. They won't even with it being bank owned. We can sit and watch the price drop for awhile if we must but I really doubt they will take what we can safely offer. It is frustrating but it just is not the home we thought it was when we first saw it. While it is awesome cosmetically it lacks basic functions.

Some Times I Think I am Crazy

Yesterday I didn't feel real good because I had not been getting enough sleep. I have been going to bed thinking about, or more like stressing out about the possibility of moving and getting another job. So yesterday I got away from this world and got into a good book. I still had some trouble getting to sleep last night but not as much.

I decided not to worry about these things anymore right now. I need my sleep which means I can't work two shifts but there has to be a job out there that will work me on the days I don't work I just have to be patient. I can't quit my job right now because we are looking for a house and we need 3 years of solid work history. I don't need the job but I really wanted something to do. I really wish I could just get something I could do at home that didn't involve selling stuff. I thought of calling myself a freelance office worker and doing mailings and filing and things now one else wants to do. I love doing mailings except the paper cuts. I could do that all day to tell you the truth. It is dull work but it gives me all the time I need to think.

When I have time to think it helps my brain to shut off at night well that is when I am not anxious about something. I have decided to leave the house decisions up to my hubby after telling him what I think our financial position was and what I am worried about. That is not to say that I won't help with things if he asks but I am not going to get all excited about it one way or the other until he is ready to make a decision. I actually think that is what is making me so anxious but I have been working hard to find a job and if I get one while we are trying to buy a house it messes things up. I can't take time off for closings and repair work and.....Yea that is what is making me crazy.

I don't know why but I am always thinking what if. What if we need a new roof on the duplex or something else needs repaired, what if a car breaks down and I can't get to work, what if my husband gets laid off, what if .............well you get the picture. I don't like to not be able to cover those what if's. I like to have an answer or plan for them all. I like to have some money for them all.

I can't relax when there are too many what if's hanging in the air.

Job Scams and Crazy Sales People

I don't know how to say this any clearer to the people out there trying to "offer" me a job. I don't want to do sales but I don't want to post that at the top of my resume because there are things I do that are sales related. I could sell a product if the people are calling me about the product or visiting me about the product. Right now I do actually sell car repairs and if I worked for a bookstore I would sell books. I don't want to do demos in peoples homes or go door to door to sell people anything including insurance and retirement plans. So how do I make that clear and how do I avoid going to job interviews that end up like that? At least these are real jobs though and they really do need sales people to go find potential buyers.

What has really been getting me is that I get at least 20+ emails a day about Mystery Shoppers, Check Printers, Personal Assistants, House-cleaners or Babysitters. Most of them claim to be from the UK and they need their business in the states handled. Some of them don't tell you their location but their English is so poor you can tell it is not their native language. Some of them look like real at home job offers then they want you to purchase something. Most of them are obvious scams and when concerned type something from the email into your search engine and you will come up with a scam alert 9 times out of ten.

I really don't understand this why are people preying on people looking for jobs? That implies they either don't have a job or they don't have a good job where would they get money from. Maybe you get them to do your illegal activities for you so they get in trouble and you don't? I have not looked that far into it but I did reply to one once and gave no further identifying information like they asked for. I told them there was no way I could pay for software or equipment to work for anyone....and guess what they never wrote me back. Maybe they can steal identities if they get more information or something.

Oh and just to let you know there are real Mystery Shopper places but I don't think they need to recruit people. They don't pay a lot of money like although they do have some good jobs available in some areas. I get things in my email that will say things like $300 dollars for twenty minutes of your time. So far I have not run across a real job for a personal assistant although I am sure they do exist, even if much of the work was from home I am sure there would be a central location for the job and it would be close to where you live. Just be careful if you are out there looking for a job. I was brought up by a woman who was very sensitive (paranoid) about things like scams. It may be something is a curse in some areas of my life but it comes in handy to be paranoid at times.

So Much to do and so Little Time

Well the job search has taken a turn for the time. I am still looking for a good full time job to replace what I have now or a part time job that will work around the hours I already work. I like my job a lot and that is probably why I don't want to loose it. I don't like the way my boss treats people but the job I like. I would be happy to do the same job with a boss that knew how to treat people.

I realized that when I worked for an office this week where the environment was warm and friendly. I don't mind busy work and I actually like office work. I just don't want to be yelled at or feel like asking a question will get me in as much trouble as doing it wrong. It was refreshing to work somewhere like this and I picked up a few hints on how to talk to people myself. I should say it reminded me how to talk to people properly.

I am still looking for a job and now we are looking at a great deal for a house. The house is awesome and it is bank owned. I don't know how much they will deal but I would love to buy it. We are still working out the details and trying to figure out if it is a good decision. There would be some major repairs that would need to be made right away for us to live in it but other than those things that were taken from the house it is nearly new. We do have to think about all the costs and get prices on everything before we make a decision on what to offer or even if we should make an offer. There will be things that will be more expensive and things that will be less expensive than the house we rent. So we have to weight the differences and see if we have enough to get things done and done right.

On top of all that I really need some good reading time. I have filled out what seems like a million job apps and I have contractors to call and get prices and I really just need a day to curl up in my chair and read a good relaxing fiction book. Oh yes and I need to clean but I really don't want to.

Job Search Is Not Going Great

I have realized there is no way I can live on 4 hours of sleep and to work two jobs so I can't take a full time third shift job. I can take one that is part time and doesn't work me the full 8 hours. I can do an overnight stocking job where maybe I could work 6 hours or Thursday to Sunday. So I have not ruled that out yet.

This week I got work for my days off but that is just to help an office get caught up. Work is work thought and while I would love for it to last longer it is extra money this week that I can put towards a down payment on a house.

If I can't find work soon I am going to have to start thinking of business ideas. I just can't do the overnight thing and still work at my current job. I can't get more hours there either and I am not sure I want to. I had a difficult customer last night and was not able to deal with him. He was angry and he wanted a price reduction. Then my boss got mad and started blaming the office help (which is me and one other girl). We had notes to prove that we didn't mess things up which is a good things.  I am not so upset about the customer after tracking things down I was ready to just tell him the price that was quoted but we gave him a discount anyway. I get aggravated with the constant blaming my boss does. I  know on my days he blames the other girl so I am not so stupid as to believe that he doesn't do the opposite when she works. Even if she found a great job and quit I don't think I could work there full time again. I do like the job when things are going well with the boss but when he is upset the job is not worth the stress. Who knows what will happen

Well anyhow I am going to keep applying for jobs and see if any of them result in long term employment. We have been looking at a house and because it is  bank owned I am looking at putting a very low offer in if we get pre-approved tonight. The house has been empty for a long time now and we would have quite a few repairs to do. My hubby and I both really like the house so if things work out I would love to be able to buy it. I am not going to stress about it though because if they don't accept an offer low enough that we can still put 20 percent down and pay for the repairs with what we have saved  I don't think we can take it. If they do that would be awesome but the bank may want to hold out for a better opportunity.

Sad But True...I Just Don't Like People

I have come to realize that I don't really like people. Okay I know that sounds really bad but I don't mean that I hate people or that I don't want to be around people at all. I don't know how to say what I am feeling but I think the reason I am so anxious about getting another job is because I would prefer not to work with people anymore than I already do.

I guess that it isn't really about disliking the people really but it is about liking to do things on my own. I can work with people and I can work with a team. In fact I can do it rather well but I always burn out eventually and need to get some extra time to myself. I have been completely dishonest with myself about this. I don't know why but it feels like it is wrong for me to embrace this side of myself.

I do think this is why living on a small farm appeals to me so much. If I can make a go of it and earn enough to pay for raising and feeding the animals and possibly cover a few other bills I could work my part time job and work on the farm to provide food and a small extra income. I know that I would have a lot of work to do but it would be worth it. I have a lot of research to do as well but I am ready to move out of the city and learn more about country life. I want to live somewhere peaceful and I want to raise animals. I want a place where my dog and future dogs can run and play in a pond. I want to put in a hard days work and feel proud at the end of the day.

I hate to say it again but I am not energized by constant interaction with people but I do feel energized when I have alone time and I work to produce something for myself or my family. I just wish I could get paid for this.

Job Search This Week

I worked almost 20 hours in two days at my day job. I also went to two temp agencies and a sales interview. I need to call the sales guy and let him know I am not interested in the position. I have to say I really don't like selling things. Well I don't mind selling something that customers come to me for I don't like selling things that I have to find a customer to buy. I have filled out hundreds of online applications and have even thought of some of the at home customer service jobs.

I was told there are two $9 dollar an hour third shift factory jobs I would qualify for soon. I am not too keen on the pay and I would have to keep my current position so that would be at least 58 hours a week plus weekend overtime of 8-16 more hours. I can do that but not for a long time. I really want to move so I need to save more money quickly so I will do what needs to be done.

There are two problems with that schedule other than the fact that I will be a zombie. One is that I have tried to talk to my hubby about taking on more housework and he is basically ignoring me. If I start a second job and work a minimum of 58 hours a week and he works only works his usual 46 hours I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for help. I really don't think it is at all unreasonable to ask that we spend a few hours on my last week or two as a part time worker on making some chore lists and planning our budgets. The budget can be planned on his pay and rental income and everything I make plus some can be saved. So it won't be hard it will just take time to plan it.

The second problem I am having is that I am really having a hard time accepting that I went to college for a bachelors degree and I am going to be stuck working a low pay factory job for now. I don't want to be a Social Worker but you would think that I could find a reasonable paying job (something $10 an hour or more) because I have a degree. I really don't want to go back to school, I thought I did but I realized I really didn't after just one semester. I would like to make more money and have a job that didn't confine me to a desk the entire day. I suppose that I am just going to have to suck it up and do what I can for now.

August 1st

Today I am taking it easy. I had surgery on Thursday and I did way too much on Friday because I felt okay. I paid for it yesterday. So I am just going to spend the day doing simple chores that won't require a lot of strength. I feel fine today but I want to feel great for Monday so I am just going to have to relax.

I spent a few hours yesterday and Friday applying for jobs online. I worked on my resume and sent it to some temp agencies and some directly to companies. If I take it easy today, I should be able to make a plan for going to fill out applications for Monday. My interview is at 2pm so if I get up early and have a plan in mind. I can go fill out applications in the morning and come home for lunch and head to the interview.

I need another job to save for a big down-payment on a house. I know I don't have to work so much forever and that is encouraging. I just have to keep it up and remember that if I want to reach my goals then I have to work hard now so I can do what I want later.