Some Times I Think I am Crazy

Yesterday I didn't feel real good because I had not been getting enough sleep. I have been going to bed thinking about, or more like stressing out about the possibility of moving and getting another job. So yesterday I got away from this world and got into a good book. I still had some trouble getting to sleep last night but not as much.

I decided not to worry about these things anymore right now. I need my sleep which means I can't work two shifts but there has to be a job out there that will work me on the days I don't work I just have to be patient. I can't quit my job right now because we are looking for a house and we need 3 years of solid work history. I don't need the job but I really wanted something to do. I really wish I could just get something I could do at home that didn't involve selling stuff. I thought of calling myself a freelance office worker and doing mailings and filing and things now one else wants to do. I love doing mailings except the paper cuts. I could do that all day to tell you the truth. It is dull work but it gives me all the time I need to think.

When I have time to think it helps my brain to shut off at night well that is when I am not anxious about something. I have decided to leave the house decisions up to my hubby after telling him what I think our financial position was and what I am worried about. That is not to say that I won't help with things if he asks but I am not going to get all excited about it one way or the other until he is ready to make a decision. I actually think that is what is making me so anxious but I have been working hard to find a job and if I get one while we are trying to buy a house it messes things up. I can't take time off for closings and repair work and.....Yea that is what is making me crazy.

I don't know why but I am always thinking what if. What if we need a new roof on the duplex or something else needs repaired, what if a car breaks down and I can't get to work, what if my husband gets laid off, what if .............well you get the picture. I don't like to not be able to cover those what if's. I like to have an answer or plan for them all. I like to have some money for them all.

I can't relax when there are too many what if's hanging in the air.