Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sad But True...I Just Don't Like People

I have come to realize that I don't really like people. Okay I know that sounds really bad but I don't mean that I hate people or that I don't want to be around people at all. I don't know how to say what I am feeling but I think the reason I am so anxious about getting another job is because I would prefer not to work with people anymore than I already do.

I guess that it isn't really about disliking the people really but it is about liking to do things on my own. I can work with people and I can work with a team. In fact I can do it rather well but I always burn out eventually and need to get some extra time to myself. I have been completely dishonest with myself about this. I don't know why but it feels like it is wrong for me to embrace this side of myself.

I do think this is why living on a small farm appeals to me so much. If I can make a go of it and earn enough to pay for raising and feeding the animals and possibly cover a few other bills I could work my part time job and work on the farm to provide food and a small extra income. I know that I would have a lot of work to do but it would be worth it. I have a lot of research to do as well but I am ready to move out of the city and learn more about country life. I want to live somewhere peaceful and I want to raise animals. I want a place where my dog and future dogs can run and play in a pond. I want to put in a hard days work and feel proud at the end of the day.

I hate to say it again but I am not energized by constant interaction with people but I do feel energized when I have alone time and I work to produce something for myself or my family. I just wish I could get paid for this.

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