Friday, October 30, 2009

Got a New Laptop! Major Changes For Me

Today is a good day! I had a great evening with my husband last night and I got a new laptop. Everything works! I can spend my time between classes working on homework now without having to go to a computer lab. I can also do my blogging and homework in my recliner.

I was sore all day yesterday from a 20 minute workout the day before. It confirms that I have become very weak. I did the first 20 minutes of the toning video in the Carmen Electra Striptease series. No I am not studying to be a stripper it is a great work out and could be a plus for my marriage. I used to be able to do the whole video with ease. I was not sore until the next day but that is pretty bad. So I am going to try it again today and see how far I can get. I think I have been too weak to actually get a good cardio workout in.

I am have some homework and house work to do today. My wonderful husband did get some of the house work done last night. He also spent some time setting up my new computer!

I am going to have to back off school next semester. My goal is to make sure that I don't go into debt finishing school. I am going to go back to my old job part time sometime in March. My replacement is pregnant. She will need some time off and might want to work part time after that. So I will just take two classes and take the summer off. I already have the money saved for two classes and the job will make it so I don't have to dip into our savings for next fall.

Today is off to a great start I just have to stay focused and get as much homework done as I can. Then I will have more time to do what I want on Sunday. I do have to learn some of the new features on this computer as well.

Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Journal Entry One --What to do?

Well I am feeling better today after the let down yesterday. Today is a new day and I am going to make the most of it. I want to work out today, maybe pull out a work out video and see how much I can do. I believe I have some that are mostly strength training with a little cardio to keep your heart rate up. I think some of my problem staying motivated is becasue I have grown very weak, especially in the leg that was broken. That means I am slow at everything so I am going to focus first on building my strength back.

I do know when I am not this overweight I am so much more confident. I don't know why some of my confidence is directly tied to my weight but it is I just have to face it. I have to do something about it. I was still confident at 20 lbs overweight but at 40 not so much so if I can just loose 20 pounds and get physically stronger I will be in good shape. I am not so worried about being skinny as being healthier. My brain functions better when I feel better. I am also thinking some of my stomach problems are from being so overweight.

The weight thing has been on my mind a lot lately. Also my future career has been on my mind. I am not liking this whole Pure Romance gig and started thinking that I would try Tastefully Simple but instead of just jumping in, I spent some time researching it and decided that if I do that I will have to make the money somewhere else to get the kit. I think I just don't like selling things. Or to put it more accurately I don't like doing the parties. I don't think a food party would be as hard as a Pure Romance party. I am sure there are a lot less rules but I would actually prefer an internet based business with the option to do some sort of demo party for friends and family. I am thinking I will stay active with Pure Romance for now because I may take the summer off school and work part time at my old job. I would have time then to really give it a fair chance.

Other than that I am really going to try to focus on some writing. I have a portfolio to get ready for my Creative writing class and I want to wirte some articles for Associated Content. Can I just say one of the reasons I have not done this is stupid but true. My laptop is broken we restored the thing and now it won't read any discs so I can't install a word processing program. Our regular computer has two choices of chair a hard wooden one or a hard plastic one that is nearly as old as I am. I have not been in agreement with my husband on a new computer. I know what I want and since I am the one who uses it the most I have trouble with compromising on this one.

I want a laptop I can take to school that way I can type between classes making better use of my time. I want a Mac, I hear great things about them and they seem to last a lot longer than a PC but my husband keeps trying to get me to look at anything but what I want. He even looked at the Mac desktops to replace our desk top. I am actually not concerned about replacing the desktop at all. It runs fine but it is stationary. If it comes down to it I will just look for a good chair on craigslist or something and sit there. Sometimes I get the feeling that my husband would have pushed for a Mac if I had said I hate them a million times. I don't want to act like he is a big jerk over this, I see his point that they are expensive. I but from what I have heard and read they don't get a lot of viruses and with all the stuff I do to promote my blog I need that plus I hear you don't have to replace them as often unless you want the tech updates. I would be fine with this laptop if it worked right. After getting a virus it has lost a lot of its functions and yes we had a virus program.

On a happy note I am going to leave in a few hours to watch my nephew's Halloween parade he will be a Ninja Turtle.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Reading, Writing and Loosing Weight

I am still awake at 11PM and feeling like crap. I have been really thinking about my life the last few weeks. I have decided I am going to change a lot of things in my life. I am tired of trying to be such an agreeable person. I am not very confrontational in any area of my life. I am a Christian so I am going to change my priorities to be in line with my faith but also take charge of my life. I am no longer going to sit around and watch things pass me by.

I am going to learn to be a strong confident woman. I am not going to just take crap from people around me. That will take some work since I even apologize for apologizing. I have somehow learned to take blame so well I don't often know how to stand up for myself.

I am also really good at giving up on something before I give it a real chance. I don't quit on the really important things in life like my marriage when it gets to be hard work but other things I find hard to stick with. I love to write but I don't really do it much outside the classroom. I don't know maybe it is a fear of rejection or a fear of hard work that doesn't pay off. I am going to make some goals to post at least a few articles on my associated content account each month. I am not going to be strict on that because there will be a lot of school work that needs to be done too. I am going to make a commitment to post at least once a week on my blogs even if it is just a short update or a quick tip. There is also a lot of school writing required and I plan to take advantage of the writing center and my teachers knowledge.

I am starting to get tired but for all those out there that pray please keep me in your prayers. I also want to get back in shape and I am having trouble staying motivated. It is not something that has been a huge issue for me in the past but now I have put on so much weight I am having trouble staying on track I never feel like there is a reward. I also eat for comfort, I know this but I have trouble stopping it. I have been stocking the house with healthier snacks so I am sure that helps. This is not helping with my low self confidence. I don't remember always being like this, one day you look up and you are just a shell of the person you once were. How do you get here?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Can I Just Rant for a Moment?

My brain was not working well yesterday because of a migraine. So I go to download the latest Dave Ramsey podcast and look was looking at reviews. I am a Christian so his religious views don't bother me but I really understood the people who didn't like his religious views. Most of the people who didn't like him had valid reasons. They may have been based on opinion but everyone has the right to have an opinion.

Then there is this person who thinks Dave has political views on taxes that are contrary to Christian beliefs! Okay I am a Christian and the only thing I have ever heard or seen in the Bible about taxes is that you should pay them.

This is why people don't like Christians they think that they know everything and claim that "this is the Christian way" but where do you find this in the Bible. For that matter Mr. Ramsey does not spend a whole lot of time talking about taxes either, nor does not spend a lot of time on politics on the radio show. This is not his focus and even the non-religious people could see this.

It makes me mad that so many Christians claim that there way is the only way on issues that are either not clear or not even mentioned in the Bible they claim to follow. Over the years they have made things up.

Here is one of my favorites, I am sinning if I tempt a man because I don't always wear a bra! One of these days I am going to do some research and see when the bra was invented and if women who lived in pre-bra ages were considered sinners for not wearing something not invented yet. Now I am not talking about going bra-less in a thin white T-shirt, but if I want to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants to the grocery store with out undergarments I really don't think God cares.

I hate when people make personal preference into some sort of Christian law. I know I can't be the only one with stories like this I am sure I could think of dozens. It just grates on my nerves and is probably why over the years I have developed a bit of a fear of sharing my faith. People get very defensive when you say you are a Christian and I don't blame them. I don't think even Jesus set out to tell people a big set of rules they had to follow. He loved people and His love earned him followers. I just can't see how or why so many Christians just ignore that part. Even people who don't believe in Christianity(or maybe especially because they don't) can see that Jesus did not behave like many modern day Christians.

Well I am done for now I have tons of school work to do so I need to stop with the blog posts. Today I just want to write and write for some reason. Visit my Dark Novels blog for the latest news on my life.

Friday, October 9, 2009

I am so Sore!

I walked the dog for almost 2 hours yesterday. It was a nice walk and I didn't feel sore then, but i sure do today. I also taught her the first step to roll over. I still have to put the treat down near her shoulder to get her to do it but it is more automatic. She is a quick learner now that she is older but still young. She will be 2 in December. It is raining today and I have a lot to do so I don't know if I will walk her today but tomorrow is supposed to be very nice. I am planning another 2 hour walk and some more trick training. That should give my hip some time to recover.

I have a Pure Romance Party tonight that I am not super excited about. I think it is mostly because I am very nervous about having my second party for a complete stranger. Plus it was a last minute booking so even though I have had a week to prepare it feels weird; I had almost a month notice for my first one. I actually don't feel like doing parties right now they take too much preparation, I really wanted my website to take off and that seems to be going nowhere. I really want to focus on writing and with my life split in so many directions I just don't feel like doing anything.

So here I am writing another blog post. I am going to spend more time blogging if that doesn't help my web business grow then it was not meant to be. I get a great discount on all my romance needs so it is not like I am loosing anything. Who knows maybe I will take the summer off school and focus on selling more to save up for the next two very expensive semesters. I don't think so because I am not good at sales. I hate trying to sell to broke people!

I am going to work on character creation on my Dark Novels blog by writing journal entries. Right now they will be random until if get a feel for a few characters. When I have some extra time I want to try a male character but I am not sure I will be able to think like a man. I have written a very short story from a mans perspective once but have never been sure if anyone would buy me writing as a man. You can find that story here Leaving for Good

I have been very lazy about writing lately. I have a million excuses but they have to stop if I ever hope to make a dime or two doing this.
Jeff thanks for all your support it means so much to me!

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I know the title of this post is not creative. I tried creative and I just kept coming back to STUFF. I just have so much going on and it is a mix of all aspects of my life. My husband and I go to a counselor every other week to learn how to work on our communication issues. It has been an eye-opener for me at the very least. We have let so many things go over the years it is hard to reconnect at times. Things there are getting better as we learn how to better understand each other.

I am also learning that I so don't ever want a bigger house there is already too much to clean. I am trying to be a better wife and do more around the house, especially while I am only in school part time. I have also been walking the dog more. The goal would be an hour at least 4 days a week but that is going to take some time. I may just have to do every other day because I was dying yesterday after two days of long walks on the pavement. I had trouble walking to class yesterday. If I had to guess it would be that the pavement is hard on my hip that was broken. I don't get this way from the treadmill or from the Wii step with weights on.

I have been rethinking my school status as I talked with a professor who thinks I should already be able to get into the masters program. I am not sure I am going to get a second Bachelors that will cost me more money. I am however going to take all English courses until I can get into the Masters program. I am going to spend more time working on a creative writing portfolio. He is trying to get a creative writing program up and running. I hope he is successful then I might be able to shift my focus from literature to writing.

I have so much work to do and I have been organizing some of my days better. At first I was trying to organize every hour and that backfired. Life throws you all kinds of curve balls when you get this crazy. So now I am giving myself at least an hour in the morning to drink coffee and do whatever I want. Then I try to make a list of things to do and put a star next to things I need to have done that day. The other items would be nice to get done today but can be moved to another day if necessary. That has been working a lot better for me now I am going to have to schedule time for creative writing beyond my class work too. I think I keep it a loose time schedule like a few hours a week when I can fit it in. So if it is just two hours on the weekend I am not all bummed out because I failed to work on it for an hour each day.

It is strange how setting goals affects me. If I don't meet my own goals no matter how silly they are I am disappointed in myself. I have to learn to set reasonable goals and be flexible. Then when the time comes for more structured goals I can handle them instead of just giving up.