Monday, May 14, 2012
Pole Dancing for Self Esteem
Well I took the plunge a little over two months ago to learn to dance. I was looking for something fun but also something that would help me get fit. Pole dancing combines dance moves and strength training so I decided on a local studio that offers pole dance for fitness classes.
Let me tell you it is the best experience I have every had. I am getting in shape. I know you always hear me complain about my weight but not any more I am down to a healthy weight and the inches are melting away. The impressive muscles in my arms have built so fast it is hard to believe.
The fact that the class is fun and challenging keeps me going 4-6 days a week and I even entered myself into the student show case so now I have rehearsals on top of that. Once that is done I am going to try a little Latin dancing.
The best thing about these classes is they are really helping me feel better about who I am. I feel like I have found a part of me that I lost when I felt like I just had to grow up. I kind of thought having fun was just for kids and I just had to grin and bear whatever life threw at me. I also felt like I was never going to be able to get fit and stay fit if it meant just going to the gym because I hated the gym. I liked how I felt after a good workout but I really hated going. So I felt I doomed to the up and down cycles I fall into.
Shift in Priorities
To accommodate my new love for dancing I have had to rethink the things I really want in life. If you have been around here for awhile you know that I had this desire to live on a small farming property and have farm animals and do things close to natures way as I could. I can't say I don't care about these things anymore but I am learning that some of them are not as important or as urgent as I once felt they were. I actually believe it was a severe dissatisfaction with life and myself that made me think these things would make me happy.
I no longer want to move to a big property although someday I would like to move to a nicer area with a bigger yard it is not urgent and I don't need acreage. Our current situation has low monthly bills and selling this home is near impossible in this economy so we are going to make it work.
The other factor in this decision is that I don't think I want to take care of farm animals and acreage. It is enough to take care of this house, a dog, six chickens a cat and a small yard. With dance classes and trying to work part time there really is no time for a farm type life.
Onward to a New Destination
All of this has had me questioning all of my behavior over the last few years. I have been seeing a counselor to help me with my ADHD and I think I am making a lot of progress with my organizing and reasoning skills. I also think it is helping me to realize that I need to stop living in a dream and start learning what things I can change about myself and my life that can make that dream a reality. Before I do that I have to stop lying to myself about what my dreams are. I want my dreams to be accepted by my friends and family so I will change them to fit my social network at the time.
Right now I can tell you that my dream job would be to learn to dance well enough that I could teach it. I know that would be far off in the future but if I keep working at it who knows. Some of the other things I wish I could do to make a living are write and blog but it seems impossible and stupid so I say things like I am just trying to make some extra cash doing it. I give on many of my dreams because others tell me they are stupid. Now the people I am around don't actually flat out say they are stupid they just give you the looks that make you feel like you should go get a "real" job.
I am not sure where life is going to take me now but one thing I do know is I am going to stay in dance as much as I can and learn as much as I can because it is the highlight of my life right now. There are so many positives to being involved at this dance studio that I will likely be there for the life of the studio.
I am also going to start writing on a few of my blogs regularly and look for small writing projects I can work on. I have found a few legitimate work at home type opportunities to fill in the gaps but they are low paying and they are inconsistent. They also don't require a lot of skill, time or energy and can be done while watching television or when I don't feel like doing anything but sitting on the couch after a rough workout.
The last thing I am going to be doing is working on a list of ideas to make money that do not require me to sit on my ass all day. If I have to get a regular job I would like to be active. Hopefully it won't come to that but if it does I don't want to sit on my booty all day and get fat again. I only need to work part time so I need to figure out what I can do that does not sedentary.