Is This Really Life?

Well I am just feeling crazy lately. I have been doing a lot of thinking. Not a lot of anything else. Well at least that is what I feel like today. I feel like being lazy but I know I shouldn't.

I have had several doctors appointments and I am waiting on scheduling another surgery to help reduce my half a month periods. That could be part of the reason i feel tired and unmotivated a lot.

I have also have been working 9+ hours two days a week and looking for a second job. I have had a few unwelcome surprises along the way that are not helping with the goals I would love to have. I have been very emotional the last few weeks too and only God knows why. I have been praying a lot and I have realized I need to re-connect with my faith. I need grow closer to the God I believe in and I just need to take a break from other things while I do that. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I am what others want or need me to be. I am good at that. I have been pretty good at pretending I have it all together a lot too. I don't and I really wish I had a way to vent my anger and someone to talk to about my problems.

I just have God and that should be good enough but some days it would be nice to have a good friend that I could get a hug from. This is not the fault of the people that I call friends. I don't have close relationships because I push people away. I don't want people to know I am not perfect or that parts of my life are a wreck. So if you don't see me around for awhile I am just trying to get it all back together.