Halloween is Almost Upon Us

Sadly I am a little depressed this year. I still can't fit into any of my costumes. I don't want to buy a new one since I have a bunch of them and it is just for one night of handing out candy. I am sure the kids don't care if I am in a costume or a bath robe as long as they get candy.

I was hoping to be down a few more sizes but it really is my fault that I am not. I have trouble saying no to sweets and pizza. I loose my motivation to work out to easily and I expect instant results.

I have kept away from the scale lately but I have been walking a good three miles or more almost everyday with the hubby and the dog. I have been trying to do some strength training too. I am so wimpy that I have to do it every other day and I can't do much yet. How one can walk miles a day but be sore for at least four days from 40 girl push ups is beyond me.

So my plans for Halloween are to just hand out candy in something warm and comfy. I can watch all the kids in there cute and creepy costumes. I can hope for next year to fit into one. Maybe if that happens I will throw a costume party!

Well off to work I go.

Writing Like a Mad Woman Today

Well I am back and motivated to write again. I have had some big snags in the road but they are nothing I can't overcome. I knew rejection would hurt when applying for writing jobs but I didn't realize I would loose my motivation.

I also didn't realize how hyper critical I would be of the work I write for others. I don't want others to look bad and I spend way too much time revising. The worst part is my first instincts are often better than my revisions. What starts as polishing up my work ends up with a piece that lacks in personality. Oh well I will learn how to balance the editing process.

I am really feeling like me today and it is nice. It may have taken all morning to get out of this funk and realize that I have been trying too hard to please others. Not that it is never important to please others but there is a point where you need to stand up for yourself.

I have started a diary to shape a character that I have had in my head for years on my Dark Novels blog.
I actually think this Lucy character will have to be split up into multiple characters because I have changed her so much over the years. I have only dared to write about her a few times but I dream about her as well as make up stories in my head about her when I am bored. I have always felt like an idiot about this and I have only shared it a few times and then put it back in the crazy idea box to hide from the world.

Even if I never become some great novelist I can use this to spark my creativity. When I make up stories and characters it forces me to think outside the box. It forces me out of my real life and the breaks the chains that bind me to boredom and practicality.

I Will Be Working On My Attitude Today

I am exhausted and not just because I can't sleep. I have been working at my step-dad's automotive shop part time for about the last 6 months. I quit there full time thinking I would go back to school and get another degree. Then went back when my replacement was going to deliver her baby.

I left work in tears many days before I quit the first time. I also was put on anxiety medication to control the almost constant migraine headache I had while working there. I am not writing this to trash my step-dad he can do that for himself. It is just impossible to work for him.
He is either mean or like a toddler slamming doors and stomping around. He does thinks I take advantage of him. I don't know about most people but my real dad helped me out when I needed it. I am not talking about money. I am talking about coming with me to see a house to check and see if I didn't see something major wrong with it, or having my mom take me to the doctor when my hubby can't and I need a ride home. I do the same for them when I can. I thought that is what family was for. I don't take money from them except from my job or something they pay me to do that they don't have the time to do.

Just so you don't think I am a spoiled whiny brat in 4 years he has fired at least 6 mechanics and is now working in the shop by himself. I think for me the worst part is no matter what I do he thinks I am trying to take advantage of him. I am tempted to find a new mechanic just so I don't have to ask him for help ever again. I pay him to fix my car but it is discounted but my car also sits in the shop most of the time until there are no other customers and has been known to be a month.

So I started feeling the headaches and the stress come back. I thought it was best to end it before I started getting yelled at for things I didn't even do. Once he is mad at you there is no going back, even if it is for something you were NEVER told to do. It just gets worse and worse.

I had already decided to try to get a job in my field. I do have a degree in Social Work and I could make a lot more money doing that part time. I have been working hard to get my continuing education in and I finished all thirty hours in less than a week of constant reading and studying. Then I renewed my license and membership to the NASW. I have my second interview this morning at nine. I was going to stay until I had another job in place but I was afraid my health was going to be affected.

I only have 4 more work days and I will be done for good. I knew when I started to get scared to talk to him that things were going downhill and if we are to be able to get along outside as a family I needed to quit. I would rather work at McDonald than ever work for him again. I don't think I will have to do that with my degree I should be able to get something and I might even enjoy it.

So my new plan is to get a Social Work job and work on writing. I have a few leads that seem promising on the writing. I will have tons more time soon and things are really looking up.

Going Crazy

I only have a few minutes before I leave for one of my last five days at work. I have been kind of depressed the last few weeks. I have been working a lot but work at my regular job has started to get really bad again. So I put my two weeks in before I get back to where I have a never ending migraine headache. I have felt like I am on the verge of a nervous break down or something so I have refrained from posting. I don't want my blog to be about complaining about my life.

I will be back soon. I did get my Social Work license renewed after lots of studying and taking continuing education classes. I am now looking for a job in my field. I am hoping to earn some writing too. I have an awesome woman helping me with that.

Thanks for all of you out there that have been supporting me.

Worked A Ton This Week

I worked three days at the office this week instead of two. I will do that again next week because the other woman went on vacation. I also applied for some freelance writing jobs and received a few replies. They all paid based on web traffic and referrals. I don't think they will make much so I spent some time researching and found that Examiner.com was pretty reputable. I am working on a few articles and I will be their Toledo German Shepherd examiner. I know it is not the best place to earn money but it is a start and it is a place I will be able to send potential employers.

I know a few people that I can interview about German Shepherds and I am sure they can send me to others. I also know a few dog trainers and I can talk to my vet. I am not sure how much traffic something like that will bring but I am all over it and I will make it work.

I will soon have 2-3 posts ready for Your Dark Passenger as well. They started as one post and that got out of control so now I have to figure out how to separate it. Then I have to make them perfect before I post them.

My sister got a job and she is moving out of my moms house this weekend so I have to let her come pick up some of the things she had in storage here. I also have to clean and look at houses this weekend so it will be a busy one. I am actually kind of happy to have a lot going on i just wish I could spread it out a little more. Oh well that is life there are busy times and slow times and you can't always chose.

Writing and Volunteering Today

First I want to say please pray for Matt and Sarah Hammitt and their little boy Bowen. Matt is the lead singer of Sanctus Real and he went to my high school. Their baby was born with a heart problem and he is now in the hospital. After a few close calls he is still hanging in there. Your can read more at  Bowens Heart.

I myself am suffering from lack of sleep because of rude people who like to make a lot of noise at all hours of the night. When i can actually identify all the words in a conversation outside at 11pm I am thinking it is too loud.

I am just going to quit thinking about that and try to get enough coffee in me to make the best of what I have today. I volunteer at Toledo Area Ministries today from 1-3 but other than that I plan to be writing. Jen Whitten who has been like an angel to me over the years has invited me to post on one of her blogs. Your Dark Passenger is a blog I read often and I am really excited about being able to contribute. So excited my mind has gone blank and I am having trouble thinking well enough to focus on a topic. I have a post in the works but I am nervous about it. Who would have thought I would get like this when writing for someone I admire.

I also plan to get a few sample articles ready for applying for freelance writing jobs. I have no idea what to write about for these articles. I have been thinking a few articles about dogs, religion, book reviews, and other random articles. I just need to continue writing and things will work out eventually.

Love My Awesome Hubby!

Three days this week my husband and I walked the dog. One day at Wildwood park and two days in our neighborhood. Each walk was over an hour and a half long. We talked about work, dogs, houses, and career changes. Yet another reason in my life to be happy.

Ryan (my hubby) has also worked his tail off this week. He worked on the holiday, 8 extra hours during the week and a 12 hour weekend shift. He knows how much I would like to move and he has been accepting more over time. I really wanted to acknowledge publicly that my husband is a great hardworking guy.

I spent today cleaning and looking for freelance writing jobs. I need to find a few jobs to start a portfolio. I am going to work hard and make my dream of working mostly from home a reality. I don't know exactly what that looks like right now but with my knowledge and skills I would be very good at writing for a non-profit social service organization. I will be volunteering again soon and that will help me with real world social service experience. My degree makes me qualified to take on more responsibility than the average volunteer. This week will be a learning experience for me as I am going to try hard to have a good attitude in the face of stepping into uncharted waters. I am going to change my life one day at a time.