Some Times I Think I am Crazy

Yesterday I didn't feel real good because I had not been getting enough sleep. I have been going to bed thinking about, or more like stressing out about the possibility of moving and getting another job. So yesterday I got away from this world and got into a good book. I still had some trouble getting to sleep last night but not as much.

I decided not to worry about these things anymore right now. I need my sleep which means I can't work two shifts but there has to be a job out there that will work me on the days I don't work I just have to be patient. I can't quit my job right now because we are looking for a house and we need 3 years of solid work history. I don't need the job but I really wanted something to do. I really wish I could just get something I could do at home that didn't involve selling stuff. I thought of calling myself a freelance office worker and doing mailings and filing and things now one else wants to do. I love doing mailings except the paper cuts. I could do that all day to tell you the truth. It is dull work but it gives me all the time I need to think.

When I have time to think it helps my brain to shut off at night well that is when I am not anxious about something. I have decided to leave the house decisions up to my hubby after telling him what I think our financial position was and what I am worried about. That is not to say that I won't help with things if he asks but I am not going to get all excited about it one way or the other until he is ready to make a decision. I actually think that is what is making me so anxious but I have been working hard to find a job and if I get one while we are trying to buy a house it messes things up. I can't take time off for closings and repair work and.....Yea that is what is making me crazy.

I don't know why but I am always thinking what if. What if we need a new roof on the duplex or something else needs repaired, what if a car breaks down and I can't get to work, what if my husband gets laid off, what if .............well you get the picture. I don't like to not be able to cover those what if's. I like to have an answer or plan for them all. I like to have some money for them all.

I can't relax when there are too many what if's hanging in the air.

Job Scams and Crazy Sales People

I don't know how to say this any clearer to the people out there trying to "offer" me a job. I don't want to do sales but I don't want to post that at the top of my resume because there are things I do that are sales related. I could sell a product if the people are calling me about the product or visiting me about the product. Right now I do actually sell car repairs and if I worked for a bookstore I would sell books. I don't want to do demos in peoples homes or go door to door to sell people anything including insurance and retirement plans. So how do I make that clear and how do I avoid going to job interviews that end up like that? At least these are real jobs though and they really do need sales people to go find potential buyers.

What has really been getting me is that I get at least 20+ emails a day about Mystery Shoppers, Check Printers, Personal Assistants, House-cleaners or Babysitters. Most of them claim to be from the UK and they need their business in the states handled. Some of them don't tell you their location but their English is so poor you can tell it is not their native language. Some of them look like real at home job offers then they want you to purchase something. Most of them are obvious scams and when concerned type something from the email into your search engine and you will come up with a scam alert 9 times out of ten.

I really don't understand this why are people preying on people looking for jobs? That implies they either don't have a job or they don't have a good job where would they get money from. Maybe you get them to do your illegal activities for you so they get in trouble and you don't? I have not looked that far into it but I did reply to one once and gave no further identifying information like they asked for. I told them there was no way I could pay for software or equipment to work for anyone....and guess what they never wrote me back. Maybe they can steal identities if they get more information or something.

Oh and just to let you know there are real Mystery Shopper places but I don't think they need to recruit people. They don't pay a lot of money like although they do have some good jobs available in some areas. I get things in my email that will say things like $300 dollars for twenty minutes of your time. So far I have not run across a real job for a personal assistant although I am sure they do exist, even if much of the work was from home I am sure there would be a central location for the job and it would be close to where you live. Just be careful if you are out there looking for a job. I was brought up by a woman who was very sensitive (paranoid) about things like scams. It may be something is a curse in some areas of my life but it comes in handy to be paranoid at times.

So Much to do and so Little Time

Well the job search has taken a turn for the time. I am still looking for a good full time job to replace what I have now or a part time job that will work around the hours I already work. I like my job a lot and that is probably why I don't want to loose it. I don't like the way my boss treats people but the job I like. I would be happy to do the same job with a boss that knew how to treat people.

I realized that when I worked for an office this week where the environment was warm and friendly. I don't mind busy work and I actually like office work. I just don't want to be yelled at or feel like asking a question will get me in as much trouble as doing it wrong. It was refreshing to work somewhere like this and I picked up a few hints on how to talk to people myself. I should say it reminded me how to talk to people properly.

I am still looking for a job and now we are looking at a great deal for a house. The house is awesome and it is bank owned. I don't know how much they will deal but I would love to buy it. We are still working out the details and trying to figure out if it is a good decision. There would be some major repairs that would need to be made right away for us to live in it but other than those things that were taken from the house it is nearly new. We do have to think about all the costs and get prices on everything before we make a decision on what to offer or even if we should make an offer. There will be things that will be more expensive and things that will be less expensive than the house we rent. So we have to weight the differences and see if we have enough to get things done and done right.

On top of all that I really need some good reading time. I have filled out what seems like a million job apps and I have contractors to call and get prices and I really just need a day to curl up in my chair and read a good relaxing fiction book. Oh yes and I need to clean but I really don't want to.

Job Search Is Not Going Great

I have realized there is no way I can live on 4 hours of sleep and to work two jobs so I can't take a full time third shift job. I can take one that is part time and doesn't work me the full 8 hours. I can do an overnight stocking job where maybe I could work 6 hours or Thursday to Sunday. So I have not ruled that out yet.

This week I got work for my days off but that is just to help an office get caught up. Work is work thought and while I would love for it to last longer it is extra money this week that I can put towards a down payment on a house.

If I can't find work soon I am going to have to start thinking of business ideas. I just can't do the overnight thing and still work at my current job. I can't get more hours there either and I am not sure I want to. I had a difficult customer last night and was not able to deal with him. He was angry and he wanted a price reduction. Then my boss got mad and started blaming the office help (which is me and one other girl). We had notes to prove that we didn't mess things up which is a good things.  I am not so upset about the customer after tracking things down I was ready to just tell him the price that was quoted but we gave him a discount anyway. I get aggravated with the constant blaming my boss does. I  know on my days he blames the other girl so I am not so stupid as to believe that he doesn't do the opposite when she works. Even if she found a great job and quit I don't think I could work there full time again. I do like the job when things are going well with the boss but when he is upset the job is not worth the stress. Who knows what will happen

Well anyhow I am going to keep applying for jobs and see if any of them result in long term employment. We have been looking at a house and because it is  bank owned I am looking at putting a very low offer in if we get pre-approved tonight. The house has been empty for a long time now and we would have quite a few repairs to do. My hubby and I both really like the house so if things work out I would love to be able to buy it. I am not going to stress about it though because if they don't accept an offer low enough that we can still put 20 percent down and pay for the repairs with what we have saved  I don't think we can take it. If they do that would be awesome but the bank may want to hold out for a better opportunity.

Sad But True...I Just Don't Like People

I have come to realize that I don't really like people. Okay I know that sounds really bad but I don't mean that I hate people or that I don't want to be around people at all. I don't know how to say what I am feeling but I think the reason I am so anxious about getting another job is because I would prefer not to work with people anymore than I already do.

I guess that it isn't really about disliking the people really but it is about liking to do things on my own. I can work with people and I can work with a team. In fact I can do it rather well but I always burn out eventually and need to get some extra time to myself. I have been completely dishonest with myself about this. I don't know why but it feels like it is wrong for me to embrace this side of myself.

I do think this is why living on a small farm appeals to me so much. If I can make a go of it and earn enough to pay for raising and feeding the animals and possibly cover a few other bills I could work my part time job and work on the farm to provide food and a small extra income. I know that I would have a lot of work to do but it would be worth it. I have a lot of research to do as well but I am ready to move out of the city and learn more about country life. I want to live somewhere peaceful and I want to raise animals. I want a place where my dog and future dogs can run and play in a pond. I want to put in a hard days work and feel proud at the end of the day.

I hate to say it again but I am not energized by constant interaction with people but I do feel energized when I have alone time and I work to produce something for myself or my family. I just wish I could get paid for this.

Job Search This Week

I worked almost 20 hours in two days at my day job. I also went to two temp agencies and a sales interview. I need to call the sales guy and let him know I am not interested in the position. I have to say I really don't like selling things. Well I don't mind selling something that customers come to me for I don't like selling things that I have to find a customer to buy. I have filled out hundreds of online applications and have even thought of some of the at home customer service jobs.

I was told there are two $9 dollar an hour third shift factory jobs I would qualify for soon. I am not too keen on the pay and I would have to keep my current position so that would be at least 58 hours a week plus weekend overtime of 8-16 more hours. I can do that but not for a long time. I really want to move so I need to save more money quickly so I will do what needs to be done.

There are two problems with that schedule other than the fact that I will be a zombie. One is that I have tried to talk to my hubby about taking on more housework and he is basically ignoring me. If I start a second job and work a minimum of 58 hours a week and he works only works his usual 46 hours I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for help. I really don't think it is at all unreasonable to ask that we spend a few hours on my last week or two as a part time worker on making some chore lists and planning our budgets. The budget can be planned on his pay and rental income and everything I make plus some can be saved. So it won't be hard it will just take time to plan it.

The second problem I am having is that I am really having a hard time accepting that I went to college for a bachelors degree and I am going to be stuck working a low pay factory job for now. I don't want to be a Social Worker but you would think that I could find a reasonable paying job (something $10 an hour or more) because I have a degree. I really don't want to go back to school, I thought I did but I realized I really didn't after just one semester. I would like to make more money and have a job that didn't confine me to a desk the entire day. I suppose that I am just going to have to suck it up and do what I can for now.

August 1st

Today I am taking it easy. I had surgery on Thursday and I did way too much on Friday because I felt okay. I paid for it yesterday. So I am just going to spend the day doing simple chores that won't require a lot of strength. I feel fine today but I want to feel great for Monday so I am just going to have to relax.

I spent a few hours yesterday and Friday applying for jobs online. I worked on my resume and sent it to some temp agencies and some directly to companies. If I take it easy today, I should be able to make a plan for going to fill out applications for Monday. My interview is at 2pm so if I get up early and have a plan in mind. I can go fill out applications in the morning and come home for lunch and head to the interview.

I need another job to save for a big down-payment on a house. I know I don't have to work so much forever and that is encouraging. I just have to keep it up and remember that if I want to reach my goals then I have to work hard now so I can do what I want later.